Yes, a year has passed by where I have never planned any particular action . I had just left time to stroll along its destination(if at all it exists). I have never tried to control it. There might be two reasons for that. It may be that I’m happy with the passage of my life in this demeanor or either that I’m not surprised or excited the way it’s progressing. I’m always told to set targets, goals for a specified timeframe and formulate plans to execute them. It’s not that I’ve believed in it but I’m one who’ve tried and failed miserably in doing so.
A sequence of hiccups and nervous breakdowns kept me grounded in the early part of the year. Frequent changes in surroundings wasn’t in my scheme of things. This brought about the adaptability factor meandering about in my mind. A question rang in,
“This factor has tormented me a lot now! Enough is Enough! I can’t fiddle around one factor and let it control my life.”
I had to come out of my shell. Was there a way out? Yes, the answer was within my soul.
“When I encounter a person, I set barriers and parameters and judge them accordingly. This is all being done with an impression that I’m perfect too”.
An inner voice bubbled aloud,
“You’re so selfish that you expect,you judge people. You’re the one who’s one-sided and never do anything. Who gave you the right to expect?Expectations! This very aspect fuels your life. This superficial aspect is an untimely reality. This phase of self realisation is very much essential for a person who drools over his individuality and personality like you. Not that I’m a person to assign such things specifically but to remind you that the world accommodates much more sense than you.”
I felt much more lighter. I no more had to limit or burden my life with cosmetic principles basing on far fetched realities. I’m imperfect and I flaunt my trait. So, do others. I respect it. Accepting life with an open heart and open mind couldn’t have found a better example to justify itself. The acceptance might have been a bit too late but it’s a lesson learnt with a tight slap on the face.
Neglecting those little desires in life proved too costly for me. Relishing every dish we eat is an art and living in the moment too is akin to that. I had desired for aspects that are large in magnitude, small at heart. I never understood what was I doing, but my poor ego and a tiring heart had to bear this all. It all happened once when I was left alone at home,no contacts, no people. I ached for company but no one seemed near. I had recognized then, its my heart which distanced itself from me. Poor fellow, it never tried to bestow its presence but it couldn’t survive this ride anymore. It cried its “heart” out. Just that my eyes were a visual testimony to that. I was no more a shadow of my self, I had desires, yes. But I acquired joy in my daily chores/activities I performed. From a song in my earphones to my cup of tea in the evening,nothing seemed less exciting. I knew what I had missed. I knew I had to pay a heavy price for that. Every action of my past justified my actions today and I’m proud that I’m now able to appreciate every small aspect in life without underestimating it.
This year has sprung up surprises for sure. The unpredictability in it has made it all the more engrossing. We always search for inspiration through others, but it’s all within us. It’s an inner voice of our soul that has found form through our action. I never expect expectations to govern our life anymore. Never neglect your heart, satiate its appetite doggedly. Despite not having planned anything and letting life unfold its new chapters, I have encountered a wonderful year. I didn’t require a resolution to systemise my life. Do you?
WISH YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS!
Have a “learning” year ahead!